Out of the mouth of babes.....

I live in a home with my three children (Malachi, Joshua, and Anna-Marie) and my two little nieces (Chastlyn and Andie) and their mother (Crystal).  The youngest is Andie at 5 years old and the oldest is Malachi at 14 years old.  So the other day one of the kids asked what are wieners made out of.  Crystal said they are made out of pig parts.  All the kids started saying ewwww and that's gross and the five year old says you mean private parts like wooyaa's (which is her word for the boy parts).  LOL!!!!  That was sooooo funny because she was dead serious.  She was looking at me like all this time I've been eating pig wooyaa's.  LOL.


Today, Crystal was talking about how mean the kids were but they had been good for the last few days except for Andie being so aggravating.  Andie says "I'M NOT MEAN!!!!"  Crystal said "I beg to differ."  Andie answers, "huh uh, I big the dipper."  OMG..... Now that's funny.


Tonight at church the young kids class had their christmas program.  They were sooooo cute and they all did wonderful.  They did a play and danced to the song "Gloria."  My cousin's little boy (lil' man) was in the dance and he made the funniest faces the whole time he was dancing and when he would get tired he would just lean up against the altar and put his hands on his hips, like "I'm done with this."  LOL.  I wish everyone could have been there to see it and if I had taped it I would have attached the video to this post. 


Some great stories.  I hope you enjoy.  MERRY CHRISTmas!!!!!

 

 Crystal and Andie (above)                Chastly and Anna (right)

Malachi, Joshua, Anna, Chastlyn, and Andie (above)

I couldn't find a pic of Lil' Man or the boys by themselves, my computer was recently wiped out and I was only able to save a few pics.

I'm back!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hi, everyone, what's up!!!!!!!!!!!!  Sorry it has been so long but I had a bit of a rough time, had my Internet cut off and went through a bit of a low point and my creativity had turned to bitterness and a self-indulged pity party.  You really didn't want to hear what I had to say during my little episode so I kept it to myself.  I'm back full force now, still not a hundred percent in other areas but my mind is back in the right place so I thought I could come back and get it back started.  I have been substituting for Cleveland County Schools and that has been a great experience.  I have three more classes and I will have completed my Master's in Education with a 4.0.  That's right I'm graduating with honors.  WOOOOOHOOOOOO!!!!!!!  Thought I would let everyone know what I have been up to and let you know that you got more to look forward to.  I hope everyone has been doing great and I hope you have a wonderful CHRISTmas!!!!!!!!!!



I already know life is deep....but I still dig her.

WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

          Here goes one for the books.  Now some people that were there and were witnesses may disagree with my details but I am writing this according to how well my memory is serving me.  LOL.  And if they disagree then they can start a blog and say whatever they want but this is my blog so get the hell over it.  I know this is going to be hard for you to believe but I can guarantee that everything in this story is completely true.  My cousin's birthday was on March 10th, which was Saturday.  She rented a Limo with 10 seats.  Because she wanted to fill all of the seats and because some people backed out on her, she ended up inviting some people that were second choices or people that she really didn't want to go at all.  One girl had already popped some pills, drank some liquor or whatever but she was already a little on the tipsy side.  Everybody in the limo is from or lives right around Grover and are a little....how can I say this....redneck, ghetto, dramatic, or whatever you wanna call it.  If you are from Grover or know people who are then you know exactly what I am talking about.  There are a lot of sneaky, two-faced, lying, crazy, dramatic, psychotic people that live here around my area.  Again, I refuse to use real names so I will try to give you a made up name for everyone that was there.  My older cousin "Big Mama Ghetto," her husband "The Peace," my younger cousin the birthday girl and we will call her "Mizz open-hand," the tipsy girl "Yuck Mouth," another pair of girls that I would love to call "Chicken and Dumplinz," another girl that I will call "Loud As Hell," another lady "Mizz OMG," my other cousin "Smiley," and me "Mr. Wonderful."  LOL!!!  WOW!!!!!!!!!
          Now that we got that out of the way I will begin this story.  We all loaded into the Limo, and sorry I gotta use his real name because it's freaking great, Bernie started it up and headed toward Charlotte.  Once we got into Charlotte girls were sticking their heads out the windows and acting a fool, of course there was some drinking on the way there and Yuck Mouth was already drunk, high, or whatever and a cop said over his loudspeaker, from his car, GET YOUR ASS INSIDE THE LIMO.  WOW!!!!!!  Swear to God that is what he said.  So everybody jumped back in except for Yuck Mouth and she started hollering something back at the cop.  So Little Mizz Open Hand grabbed her and pulled her back in and about the same time we pulled up in front of the Epic Center to go to Club Suite.  Little Mizz Open Hand says alright everybody listen up.  Now Loud As Hell never heard a word she said because...well because she is Loud As Hell.  Little Mizz Open Hand continues to talk and says "everybody better act like they got some sense and don't be acting stupid, this is my birthday and I don't want it messed up" and she single out Yuck Mouth particularly and says, "especially you if you get in trouble or go to jail or mess up my birthday I will whoop your A**."
          We all get out of the limo and everyone has to pee so we start looking for a bathroom.  We find one everybody handles their business and we go get in line in front of Club Suite.  This place was freaking crazy.  It had a section that I am assuming was for VIP's and there was a group of people in there dancing and talking and acting a fool and in front of that was a bar where two ladies, one on either side, were dancing up a freaking storm.  They were dressed in almost nothing and The Peace points them out to me immediately with a  BBBBBBBIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGG smile on his face.  hahahahahahaha.  WOW!!!!!!  They immediately get separated from me on the main dance floor and I couldn't find nobody.  So I squeezed through a million sweaty dancing idiots and made it to the bar where there was room enough to stand against the wall.  This was the bar where they were selling drinks not where the two girls were dancing.  Apparently everybody made a different turn on the main dance floor and got away from me and Yuck Mouth headed to the bathroom.  As I was standing against the wall trying to see somebody I knew, I noticed a door leading outside to a balcony/smoking area.  I headed out there because it was less crowded and I felt like I was about to have a panic attack.  LOL.  It was awesome out there.  It was about three stories up and you could see the whole city from there.  It was like smack dab in the middle of Charlotte, a breeze was blowing, and I could feel my creative juices flowing up there.  I wish I owned a huge apartment right in the middle of a big town.  I wouldn't wanna stay there all the time but I would like to stay there sometimes. 
          So I finally spotted them at the bar inside and run in to ask them where they went.  So Big Mama Ghetto starts telling me what has happened since I took my quite long break on the balcony.  Apparently Yuck Mouth came out of the bathroom and fell into a few people.  One of the staff members there saw her and told her that she had to leave.  Because Big Mama Ghetto and The Peace had paid her way in they went to find out what happened and see if they could get her back in.  They were talking to one of the staff members and tried to assure him that they would take care of her and make sure she didn't get into trouble if they would let her back in.  At that same time Yuck Mouth said "F*** that black MotherF***er."  WOW!!!  So the guy said no she is done for tonight get on out of here and everybody came back in but her and continued to party.  After I heard the story I bought Little Mizz Open Hand a drink and headed back for the balcony.  Everyone come out to where I was and said, "hey, the birthday girl is not happy here, it is too crowded, too loud, the drinks are too expensive, and she is not having any fun."  So they called the limo driver to come pick us up and take us to Coyote Joe's.  
          Now it starts to get good.  We get downstairs and the Limo is parked where it let us out and Little Mizz Open Hand is a little agitated because her birthday is not going like she thought it would.  She started going off about Yuck Mouth getting kicked out cause she was already high when we got there.  So Yuck Mouth stood outside of the limo and said that she wasn't going to get in.  So everybody starts telling her not to be crazy and just get in we gonna go to Coyote Joe's and everyone is gonna have a good time.  So she gets into the limo and Little Mizz Open Hand is not finished so she continues to tell Yuck Mouth how much of a stupid B**** she is and how she has done nothing but ruin her birthday.  Then right in the middle of her speech Little Mizz Open Hand reaches right over and open-hand slaps her right in the face.  When Yuck Mouth raises her hand to hit her back Big Mama Ghetto Slides on her knees, on the wood-grain floor of the limo and begins to whoop the S*** out of Yuck Mouth.  She had her by the hair with one hand and punching her in the face with the other hand.  The Peace got down in the floor behind her and was trying to hold her hands down.  Miss OMG was saying OMG haha.  Myself, The Peace, and Loud as Hell started trying to pry her hands out of Yuck Mouth's hair.  Now this is where I'm a little confused.  I can't remember if yuck mouth got out first or if the other fight broke out first but I think it went like this....
          Yuck Mouth said that she was getting out and they could just leave her A** there.  So Little Mizz Open Hand and Big Mama Ghetto thought that was a good idea.  When she was about to get out Big Mama Ghetto said those boots are mine and the jacket you are wearing is Little Mizz Open Hand's so take them off.  So she got out of the limo bare-footed and no jacket.  WOOOOOOW!!!!!!  At this time Big Mama Ghetto said that Loud as Hell hit her when she was fighting Yuck Mouth and she went to punching her in the face.  She and Little Mizz Open Hand said no she didn't hit you on purpose, she hit you trying to pry your hands out of Yuck Mouth's hair but Big Mama Ghetto didn't believe it for a second.  Now Little Mizz Open Hand done started crying and saying she just wanted to go home and Loud as Hell was crying and apologizing.  Everybody kinda made up and we were at Coyote Joe's.
          When we get there everyone pulls out there ID's and Loud as Hell has lost hers.  On top of that Smiley lost her debit card and it had a very large amount of money on it.  The people that could get in went in.  I went straight to where the bull was and there were two fat chicks trying to ride the bull at the same time.  WOW!!!!  Very funny.  The fat chick in the back would start to fall off and grab the one in the front so they would both fall off.  While I was watching some guy beside me asked if I would watch his stuff and I said sure.  So finally the one on the front was going to ride by herself and just as she started someone grabbed me and said we have to go right now.  I looked for the guy to tell him I couldn't watch his stuff anymore but I couldn't find him.  When I got outside the cops were there to talk to Big Mama Ghetto.  Yuck Mouth had taken out charges on her and then went to the Presbyterian Hospital.  I don't think she was beaten that badly but whatever.  So I went and got in the limo with Miss OMG, Chicken N' Dumplinz, and Little Mizz Open Hand, while Big Mama Ghetto, The Peace, and Smiley talked to the police.  They came and got Little Mizz Open Hand and it was just the four of us in the limo.  Everybody was like OMG what are they gonna do and I set and had a good conversation with Bernie.  Loud as Hell left with one of her girlfriends. 
          When we all got back to Little Mizz Open Hand's house we went in and started discussing where we were going to go eat.  During that time Smiley's bf (Loser) showed up to get her.  He came in and they started telling him about the fight and what all had happened.  During this conversation Smiley said, "oh yeah, I lost the debit card."  Now she is a nurse and makes enough money to provide for herself and all the money on the card was money that she had made and Loser don't work at all and she supports him too.  When he heard that he slammed his hand down on the bar that he was leaning on and said, "I knew some bulls*** like this was gonna happen, come on now, we are leaving."  HAHAHA EXCUSE ME.  WOW!!!!!  Well Little Mizz Open Hand said you don't have no right to talk to her like that, you don't work and she keeps up your dead a** and you ain't gonna talk to her like that in my house.  Smiley got up and was still half way smiling and said bye to everybody and walked out the door.  I'm 35 and I know the dating game has changed a bit since I was a younger man but they didn't make women like that when I was looking for one.  Back in the day that woman would have laughed at him and said well you better take your Loser A** out the door without me cause that's my money and you don't have to worry about it or me anymore.  But anyway what can you do.  But if he does happen to read this I would like to say, you sir, are an idiot.  Smiley is a beautiful girl, got her s*** together, works as a nurse, and takes care of you so you need to get your head out of your a** and learn how to treat a woman instead of thinking it's always gonna be this easy.  Because once your handsomeness decays and your youth disappears all you are going to be is a Pussy Loser and everybody will know.  I KNOW YOUR SECRET LITTLE BOY!!!!  HAHAHAHA!!
          After that little show what was left of us, which was, Me, The Peace, Big Mama Ghetto, Little Mizz Open Hand, Miss OMG, and Duplinz, (Chicken had left to go home) climbed into The Peace's truck and I drove us all to Denny's.  We sat down there and eat and laughed and had a good time with the waitress (Barbara) and then we all piled back into the truck to go get our cars and head home.  On the way home we were headed down I-85 and I saw a car on its side in the median.  To be honest I assumed it was from a wreck earlier that day and they couldn't get it moved for some reason.  Everybody started saying hey we have to turn around and go back that car was up on its side and smoking and nobody was out there, somebody could be hurt.  So I said OK, I told Little Miss Open Hand to call 911 and I turned off at the next exit to turn around.  When we got back to where the car was Little Miss Open Hand, Duplinz and myself ran down to the car where another vehicle had already stopped and was talking to the girl that had been driving it.  I started to check the girl out and asked her questions like, "Is anyone else in the car? Do you hurt anywhere? Where were you going? and What happened?"  She stated that she was coming from GA and was headed to PA and that she needed to go back and get her cell phone out of the car to call her bf.  I told her that wouldn't be a good idea since the car was smoking and fluids were leaking out of it.  She had a scrape on her forehead and her neck, shoulder, and chest were bruised up from the seat belt other than that she seemed to be OK.  She had told me that she stopped a while back and took a nap and her next stop was just a few miles away so she thought she could make it but she fell asleep and hit the guardrail on one side of the road veered off and started rolling until she hit the guardrail on the other side of the road.  She was very lucky not to have been hurt more and that there was not a lot of traffic behind her.  When the ambulance arrived I told them everything I knew and then we all got back in the truck and went to Little Mizz Open Hand's house.
          When we got there everyone that didn't live there got into their vehicles and went home.  We left at sometime after 5 am, remember this party started at about 10pm.  WOOOOOOOOW!!!!!!!!!!!!    

I have a friend....

          How many stories do you have that start with those words.  I have a friend who.... or I have a friend that..... and so on and so forth.  Well I have about  a million of them but I wanna talk about a particular friend that I have that I think you will find very amusing.  After you read some of the stories about him your question will be:  Why do you keep hanging around this guy?  Well for reasons that are unexplained I have to hang out with him quite often and we just have to leave it at that.  So I'm just going to give you a few examples of how he really burns me up and pushes my buttons.  The first thing is that he lies about everything.  It is crazy he will just make up stuff for no apparent reason.  The other day we were riding and he saw a low rider truck in a driveway.  It was really sweet and was the kind that looked like the bed was separated from the cab because of the hydraulics.  He said did you see the way that thing was sitting and I said yes.  He said the axle is broke that is why it's sitting like that.  He done that going over railroad tracks to fast.  Now you know me so I said, really and you can tell all that just by passing it on the road.  haha.  He said no I know that guy I was there when he done it, he said he wouldn't have the money to get it fixed for a long time so it was just gonna have to sit in his driveway.  Just to let you know I passed by there today and the truck was gone, he must have gotten the money sooner than he thought.
           Here is another one for you.  We ride around a lot and my phone is always dying.  So I stopped and bought a car charger for my phone.  I got in the car, plugged it up, and started charging my phone.  We went to Wal-Mart, I unplugged my phone and we got out of the car and went in.  When coming back out to the car he got in, plugged his phone into my new charger, and just set back like everything was all right.  OMG.  I can't express my anger in words right now but just know that I am sitting here typing with my blood pressure elevated and my face red. 
          Ohhhhhh I'm not done yet, if that wasn't bad enough about 3 days later he bought himself a new phone, which is a story in itself.  (He gets paid monthly and every month he buys a new phone with a new number, OMG who does that).  So anyway I pick him up and I'm listening to my pump up music, which is lil Wayne the Carter IV CD, and he gets into the car and turns my music down so that he can blare the music that he has downloaded to his new phone.  AAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH.  At this point I started looking for a bridge that would be easy to drive off of. 
          And that's not all but this will be the last one for this blog.  This dude is nasty like don't shower, wears the same clothes all the time, don't brush his teeth and I've even talked to him about it and it does noooooo good.  I am keeping the febreeze company in business hahahaha.  He constantly runs me around all over the place and doesn't tell me where all he needs to go at the beginning so I could plan the trip to go to the places in order to save gas.  He will be on one side of town and tell me he needs to go somewhere on the other side of town and when we get there he remembers that he needed to go somewhere back on the other side of town.  OMG.  HOW MUCH MORE CAN I TAKE.  LOL. 

Unreal story

There is so much wrong with this that I don't know where to start, so I'm just gonna start.  On Thursday I picked my son up late from school becuase he had drama club.  While I was sitting out in my car there was a kid sitting on a bench outside waiting on his ride.  Now the little boy had been sitting there a while like I had and all of a sudden an older model mini van come flying in the school parking lot honking the horn.  She was screaming through the window at the little boy saying I'M HERE, I'M HERE, ARE YOU HAPPY NOW, I'M HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!  OMG!!  Then she started saying I GOT FIRED TODAY BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T WANNA RIDE THE BUS!!!!  ARE YOU HAPPY!!!  Honk, Honk, Honk on the horn somemore and then started all over again.  I'M HERE, I'M HERE, ARE YOU HAPPY NOW!!!!!!!  And the little boy come walking up to the car looking very embarrassed with tears in his eyes.  And I thought well you stupid B****.  Maybe he didn't wanna ride the bus cause somebody is picking on him or because something was wrong.  Take care of your kid and quit being stupid.  Here is another problem that I have.  If she really got fired for that, then to the boss man I say you SORRY SOB.  My family is more important than any job that I have ever worked on and if I am called by one of my kids to come get them from school, then sorry work, SEE YOU LATER.  If they got a problem with that then here is my notice, "you can notice my a** walking out the door."  If you feel any different from this then I'm praying for you.  Would love to hear your comments on this one.


All that BS is for the birds, well she was pigeon toed!!!
                                               ~Lil Wayne~

crazy, Craaazy, CRAAAAAZZZZZYYYYY Woman 2

This is funny but kinda not, haha.  I got a text several days ago and it was from Psycho Sally.  She had read my blog and she knew who she was.  LOL.  She started asking me did I mean all the stuff that I said.  I said that I meant what I said about the time way back when it happened.  I told the truth how could I not mean it.  However, I did explain to her that my blogs were exageratted and serious things are made light of to make them funny, interesting, and entertaining.  So anyway having said all that I have a very interesting story about Psycho Sally.
Me and her have argued more than we have done anything else.  Her point of view most of the time is horribly contrary to mine.  Not that we disagree on everything, and it's not that we are not friends, it's just that we argue like cats and dogs about stupid crap that makes no sense.  This has been our history almost since we have met.  So this is a story just to tell you the kind of stupid things that she does that makes us argue.
So she said that she just had a little bit of money one night and I said well I'm gonna buy some pizzas for everybody here so you and your kids can come and eat here.  Now this has been a while ago.  Anyway, I said if you will go pick them up I'll pay for it.  I gave her a $20 and told her to get three large pepperoni pizzas and a crazy bread.  She left and come back with 3 peps and 1 cheese pizza.  I said we don't need 4 I said get three peps and she said that her kids don't like pepperoni.  I said oh well ok that's fine, but here is the kicker.  She looked at me and I swear to God she said, "It was $22.40 so you owe me $2.40.  OMG, that is freaking crazy.  Somebody please tell me that I didn't owe her any money, since she bought the extra pizza and I paid for it anyway.  OMG I couldn't believe it. LOLLOLLOLLOLLOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Things People Say

          Ok everyonce in a while some one will say something that is so stupid that it has to be noted.  Here are a few examples I would love for you to read.  You will see these from time to time.  So before my wife and I were married we dated for a long time.  One time when we were about 18 we took a trip to Gatlinburg, TN.  She had been out of NC but it was when she was a small kid.  She had not been out of the state during her adult life.  So on the way she was asking me questions about where we were going and what roads we were taking and blah, blah, blah.  We kept seeing signs that would say Knoxville, TN so many miles or Gatlinburg, TN so many miles and different city signs in TN.  I swear she looked over at me and said, "hey baby there are a lot of Tennesees aren't there.  LOL LOL.  OMG that's funny.  Another time when we were buying a van, I asked the salesman who would take car of the tag and title.  He said that he would take care of all that and give me a 30 day tag to put on the van until my permenant tag got here.  So then I asked him how long would it take for the permenant tag to get back and he said about three weeks.  When he said that my wife got a little panicy and said, "OMG how long does a thirty day tag last."  HAHAHAHAHA.  My dad was there and he said real calmly "uh thirty days."  hahaha. 
          About a year ago I was in Gaffney and getting gas and there was a black guy pumping gas in his car behind me.  Another black guy came by and knew the other guy and started talking to him.  They asked about each other's family for a few minutes, then the guy that had walked up said how is your mom doing.  The guy pumping gas said, "oh she is fine, other than she on dialysis now."  The other guy said, "oh man, I'm sorry to hear that."  The guy pumping gas said, "yeah, I just took her this morning to be dialyzed."  LOL, OMG, that is freaking hahalarious. 
          One more and we will call an end to this one.  The other day I was riding with my client and he said, "I was wondering if you ever heard of my best friend."  Is that funny or what.  I mean that is great.  "I was WONDERING if you ever HEARD of my best friend."  That is crazy.  SOOOOOOOO FUNNY!!!!!!!!!
Until next time.

this is me

Hi everyone, sorry once again that it has been sooooo long since my last post.  Anyway the oldest unanswered question in the universe is:  who am I?  For instance someone could ask me who I am and I might say I'm Daniel Hoyle but that's not who I am that's just my name.  I might say I'm a one-on-one worker but that's just what I do so who am I.  Well first of all this could be answered by what your personality is or what you think about yourself.  For me, I could say that I am a shorts and t-shirt wearing kinda guy.  I am a lover at the same time a fighter when I got a be.  I am a smart guy but at the same time I can be an idiot.  I love the underdog, love my family, I love life, love my kids, love to learn, love to teach, love being loved, and I love GOD.  Another way to tell you are is by what other people think you are.  Now this is a broad scope and although you should not let who you think you are be based on what other people's opinions of you are but a lot can be learned from what other people think.  I am to some people the greastest man they know however to others I am a jackass.  I'm a son and a father, I'm a student and a teacher, I'm a lover and loved, I'm hated and a hater, I'm brave and I'm a coward, I'm a friend and an enemy, I'm good and evil, I'm a problem and I'm the solution.  These are the things that we all are depending on who you talk to.  A lot of people like me but there is a lot of people that hate me.  Most of all and the most important way to know who you are is by who God says that you are.  His word says that you are the healed, the redeemed, the loved, the apple of his eye, an heir and a joint-heir with Christ, kings and priests, the free, at liberty, the hope of this world, ministers and ambassadors and most of all children of GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

To as many as recieved him, to him gave he power to become the sons of God.
                                                                                      John 1:12

Note to people having relationship troubles

I'm on fire tonight.  I wanna talk about relationships for a minute.  This is not directed toward women or men it is multi-gendered.  It may flip back and forth between funny and semi-serious.  I hear a lot of women say all they ever find to date or go out with are losers and I hear a lot of men, including myself, say that ever woman they have ever messed with is crazy.  So here is what I have come up with.  If you find yourself dating the same kind of person and having the same kind of relationship problems it can only be caused by two things.

1. There is something in you that is attracted to that type of person.  Now I will give some examples of what I mean.  If you say you like your significant other to have short hair, big tits, blue hair, down to earth, etc., then you have to be prepared to deal with the attitudes and characteristics that come with the majority of people that carry that physical trait that you are attracted to.  For instance, I seem to have an attraction for happy, funny girls and at the same time, I am attracted to that damsel in distress type of lady.  It's not that I need a project to work on or somebody that I can fix.  It is in a relationship I need to feel like the other person depends on me for certain things.  It all boils down to:  I need to feel needed.  So, I chose people, not because of what they need, but because of what I need.  Thus, women that need me are women that I am attracted to.  However, I am trying to get out of that because that is why I always end up with crazy women.  I am probably quoting this statistic wrong but I read somewhere that 95% of men that have a bad boy look and attitude are really just that BAD.  They are always in some kind of trouble with the law or they are abusive, etc....
2. There is something in you that attracts that kind of person.  This seems to be very similar to the first one but trust me they are very different.  If you end up with losers all the time, then there is something about you that draws that type of person to you.  Here is a perfect example:  my dad is a tall very skinny guy and always has been.  The majority of the women that are attracted to him make three of him.  I don't know why but he has always attracted big fat women.  Now he told me to come pick him up one time at a lady's house.  When I got there he was trying to get out the door really quick.  Me being the person I am pushed the door open to find a lady sitting in a chair that was pushing about trey fi seben (357).  Pounds that is, Chicken Grease, Corn oil, And Lots of Gravy.  So I go on in and start up a conversation with her, while my dad keeps giving me these go to hell looks.  We get in the car and I say WOW dad she was kinda big wasn't she.  He said fat women need love too.  I said well if that justifies it why were you trying to get out of the door so fast.  He said fat women are like mo-peds they fun to ride, but you don't want your friends to see you on them.  HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!  Now that is funny my friends.  But seriously, I do not know what it is about him that makes women of size attracted to him but they are.  I always thought it was because they were thinking once I'm through with him I can eat him. 

So if you are ending up with losers, fat women, abusers, drug addicts, crazy, lazy, or unmotivated dates its because they are attracted to something in you or because something in you is attracted to them.  Start dating people because you have taken the time to get to know them and because you genuinely like them.  Stop just running out here and grabbing the first thing that you are physically attracted to.  Proverbs 31:30 (paraphrased) - Popularity is deceitful, and beauty is fleeting:  but a person that fears God, shall be praised.
You end up with the wrong person because you are looking for the wrong things.  You can't find the right woman/man in the wrong woman/man.

Crazy, Crazzzy, Crrraaaazzzzyyyyy LADY

Alright, here we go.  When I first seperated from my wife there was this girl.  She was nice, kind, sweet, would do anything for me, and she wasn't toooo awfully bad to look at.  We went out for a couple months and I had just got out of a 10 year marriage.  Now I was out to sow some wild oats and act a fool and what not, AND I DID.  So after the couple of months of this going on, I came clean with her, apologized for my actions and told her that I couldn't keep doing that becuase I had to much respect for her.  Now all this was true I really felt that way and at the time I had no intentions of stopping running around with other women.  So when I told her all this she said and I quote, "well I figured that.  I know you have just come out of a long relationship with the same woman and although you shouldn't have done it I understand why you did."  WHAT??????????????  IS THIS FOR REAL?????????????  Set me back a few paces as you would expect. So I was like really and she said, "yes really, as long as you promise not to be doing that once we get married."  I being stunned and shocked said, "of course not I would never do that once we are married" and we went our seperate ways.  The further I got away from her, as I was leaving, the more my senses started to come back.  And I thought "wait a minute, Once we get married???  What???"  I realized that by her calm and subtle demeanor she had just tricked me into saying that I would marry her.  OMG!!!!  I immediately called her and said you know this is over, right, we are not getting back together much less getting married.  She said well I was hoping but we can still be friends though right.  And me being the person that I am said of course, we will always be friends.  As a matter of fact we were friends before we started dating IDK why that would change.  BIG MISTAKE!!!!!!!!!!!

Now that was several years ago and she is still my friend as much as I can tolerate her.  She has some good qualities such as, she is dependable, helpful, caring, and giving.  Now all of these characteristics depend on the situation and the way she feels from day to day and if things are going her way.  On the other hand, she is clingy, needy, overbearing, demanding, controlling and let's not forget the most important thing FREAKING CRAZY. 

The purpose of all that was to give you a little background on the girl that I will be talking about a lot in my blogs.  The reason that I wanna blog about her tonight is because she found out that I have a blog and she snapped about it.  She said what are you blogging about.  I said just things in my life, things that are funny, characters in my life, and things that I think are interesting.  She said are you gonna blog about me.  I said are you serious.  All the epic battles we have had, of course I am, that will make for wonderful topics.  She went to raving and cussing and saying I was invading her privacy and I said know I'm not these are my life stories you just happen to be in some of them and I would never use your name.  She said well everyone will know who you are talking about and I said no they won't that is ridiculous.  So she stomped out of my house cussing and raising cane.  So I called her and I said are you serious.  She said you will write embarrassing things about our sex life in there.  I said no I won't I'm just gonna write about stuff like what just happened and I will never say your name.

Anyway these are my experiences and I will write about them all I want.  I won't use names to protect myself and to not embarrass them, lol.  So this is her thisisme name:  Psychotic Sally.


Give me three wishes:  I wish, I wish, I wish you would b****.
                                                             
                                                                                        ~LIL Wayne~

Introduction for later post

Hey what's up everybody.  I hope everyone is doing well.  I am having one of those nights.  My mind is racing at Mach 3, can't sleep, and I have about a million ideas.  I am not exactly sure what order I'm going to put them in.  There may be 40 new blogs on here before I go to bed tonight, LOL.  I think I wanna start out telling a little bit about what I have been doing, as far as work, for the last eight years.  Now I started the type of work I'm about to tell you about after working 7 years in a machine shop as a machine operator.  I started by working one-on-one with adults with developmental disabilities.  This is a community based support.  The first client I worked with had 40 hours and about 10 goals.  A lot of which were community goals such as; socializing, safety in the community, spending money (budgeting), and that sort of thing.  The other few goals were personal care goals such as; personal hygiene, daily living skills, washing clothes, and that sort of thing.  Everyday, after completing his personal care goals we went out into the community and just hung out all day.  Went to the mall, bowling, church, out to eat.  I thought, "man this is awesome, I'm getting paid to have fun all day”.  Anyway, to cut a long story short, my hours got cut and I went to work at a sheltered workshop.  This was also with adults with developmental disabilities but it was not out in the community as much.  At this company we taught the same population work skills.  This was the best job I have ever had.  Everyday was eventful, adventurous, and freaking crazy.  It was like working in a sit-com.  I worked in the department of community employment as a job coach, floor supervisor, and job development specialist in the 6 years that I was employed there.  The reason I say it was like a sit-com is because we had so many characters and all these weird, yet funny, situations that come up all the time.  We had the crazy boss lady, the department whore, the wanna be boss next, lady, the loud emotional co-worker, and me the only sane one in the group.  However, I don’t work there anymore and I’m back to doing one-on-one work.  The reason for this particular blog is to serve as an introduction for later entries.

Poetry Corner

Hi everyone!!  I hope this finds you well.  Every once in a while my mind gets restless and actually pumps out something creative.  These things range from being funny to serious, informative to silly, and educational to just plain ole crazy.  This one is Funny, Silly and Crazy.  This is an original poem written by yours truly.  I hope you enjoy it and learn the valuable lesson that it teaches.  On another note, 99.9% of the things I blog about are completely true, things that really did happen.  This little piece falls in the .1%.  This is NOT a true story.

I wake up and rub my eyes
To suddenly realize
That I'm not alone in this place.
I try to focus as I look at the floor.
I try to remember the night before.
When a pretty red bra catches my gaze.
Now I'm smiling as I get flashbacks.
My mind begins to trace my tracks
And I know exactly what happened here last night.
I remember the headboard banging the wall
And I remember we made the lamp fall.
Seems like I should remember who she is, Right?
Empty bottles and shot glasses laying around
And I remember putting a few down
And I remember texting every girl in my contacts.
I remember pinning her to the wall
And from there to the floor and all
And I remember she was like a pack of wildcats.
I remember her legs up by her head
And I remember that we broke my bed
And I remember thinking she'd been asking for what she got.
I don't remember the color of her hair.
Her name? I don't even care.
I do remember thinking that she was sexy and hot.
So as I lay there staring at a shot glass.
I thought I'll start this again by grabbing her a**
But boy did I get a HUGE surprise.
It wasn't nice and rounded,
It's not what I thought I pounded.
This butt was BIG, FAT and WIDE.
I jerked my hand back really quick
I looked down and apologized to my d***
And thought OMG why am I so dumb.
Looked back at that bra, so pretty and red
And all the blood rushed from my head.
I know that bra, it belongs to my mum.

                                                               D. H.

Do These Pants Make Me Look Fat.....????????

First of all let me give you the short answer, No they do not.....   It's the two layered muffin top that's hanging over your pants that makes you look fat or the fact that your thighs roll down over your knee caps making your legs look like an uncircumcised penis.  When a woman ask you a question like this it is a set up.  Now understand I am not thin and in shape myself but I don't go around asking people do I look fat.  I would not do that to myself.  I know I look fat.  Anyway, you can not answer these questions safely or correctly.  Women will tell you, "do not let me go out looking bad, if something looks wrong with what I'm wearing or if something looks wrong with my hair then let me know."  DO NOT FALL FOR THIS IT IS A LIE.  If you tell them something is wrong then they completely flip out on you.  That is not what they want to hear at all.  They want you to lie to them.  They say, "don't lie to me, always be honest, I want to hear the truth."  WRONG!!!!!!!!!  A girl ask me just today, "does my hair look bad."  I said, "no it looks good."  She said, "are you sure because I didn't really do anything to it."  I said, "well it looks alright but not as good as it does on other days."  She said, "what does that mean."  I said, "well you are about at 85% today."  She said, "I can't believe you said that to me."  I said, "I didn't mean anything hurtful by it, I was just letting you know the truth, isn't that what you want."  She said, "no you are always supposed to think I'm beautiful."  I said, "well I do I just think your hair don't look as good today as it normally does." 

My point is, gentlemen, that if your wife or partner or friend or whatever she may be looks like a swollen up toad with down syndrome you tell her that she is the most beautiful creature that you have ever laid eyes on.  That she is at an absolute 110% everyday no matter what she looks like or how she feels, if you plan on keeping a happy and satisfying relationship with them.  Note:  if she does look like a swollen up toad with down syndrome you might wanna start looking for somebody else or start looking in the mirror because you are with her for a reason.


In the words of Ludacris, "Who let these Ho's in my room."

Here is a complaint for ya!!!!!

Hello everyone sorry it has been so long since my last post.  I have a topic today that is very interesting to me and I hope it is food for thought for you.  I first want to say that this is in no way pointed at anyone directly.  This is a thought that I have and if you know me I over rationalize thoughts continuely.  I have panic disorder and with that comes the curse or gift of having compulsive and obsessive thoughts.  So excuse me while over analyze and over think and go completely off about this subject.

Having said all of that this is the subject:  Toilet Seat Duty:  Who does it belong to?
Now back several decades ago, I am not good with my dates in history so no exact times will be given, women burned their bras and fought for the freedom to be considered as equals to men.  Now this is a subject that I completely agree with.  One of the main things that women fought for equality in was being able to visit court rooms and be jury members of large trials.  Now the reason they were not allowed to do this at that time was because husbands considered their wives to be delicate beautiful flowers and did not want to expose them to the gruesome testimonies of murders and rapes.  However, in fighting for this right women were actually saying, "I do not want you to look at me as being delicate and beautiful, I want you to see me as an equal."  Ladies let me just stop and say right here, "BIG MISTAKE."  I believe in equality but what women were asking for was for men to stop viewing them as the beautiful, exquisite, pure, lady creatures that God had made and ask us to view them in the same way we view other men.  Now as exagerrated as this may seem ladies you have to agree that to some degree this is very true.  Even on the job I have to view a woman as a co-worker just as I would view another man.  Now the only problem I have with this is that I don't want to I want to view you in the way that God intended me to view you.  As the beauty of God's hands, the supporter and help mate that God created you to be, the person I come home to and find solace in at the end of a hard day's work, the person God made for me to protect and to provide for, the longing of my heart and the desiring of my loins, NOT my co-worker.  Thus the need for all the sexual harrassment laws that we have.  LOL.

Now on to the toilet seat problem that I have.  Although, in my own opinion, I would have loved to kept the ladies at home and kept them being something that we upheld as being pure, dainty, delicate, honorable, dependant, admirable, proper, loveable, etc., but I can't continue to look at them like this because they won, they gained thier equality.  Which brings me to the toilet seat because it all hinges on this.  If you want to be equal then we have to discuss this problem that we have.  As a homosapian male standing in front of the toilet seat, it is my duty to raise the seat so that I do not accidentally urinate on it.  In my opinion that is the end of my job, but I hear women saying you didn't put the lid down.  Ok, well put it down yourself.  What I mean is this, I have done half of the work it is up to you, as an equal, to do the other half.  Now I know you are sitting there saying to yourself, "the nerve of that insensitve prick."  It would be a nice thing for me to be sensitive and raise it and lower it, but ladies you didn't fight for sensitivity, you already had that and didn't like it, you fought for equality.  Here is a problem I have had in the past that led me to this thought.  I go in to the bathroom and there is pee already on the seat, I raise it, pee, and then lower it.  A woman goes in behind me and sits in the pee that was already there and accusses me of not raising the seat and peeing on it.  So if I leave the seat raised then you know that I have done what I said I would do, which is my half of the work.  Another question I have is what is the big deal anyway.  Do you not see that the lid is raised before you sit down and fall in.  I know that you sit on the toilet  but do you walk all the way to it backwards with your butt hanging out, because in my mind you walk toward the toilet seat forward so you can easily look at it and put it down before you set on it.  Another thing if I have to lower the seat for you to sit on then you should have to raise it when you are done so that I don't pee on it. 

I know that this is irrationale and crazy to you but this is where it all begins.  If I don't share equality in this with you then I feel like I have the right not to share it with you in other things.  You are misleading me.  Do not think I'm a sexist or a bigot because I am not.  I have had women bosses which I regarded and still do with the upmost respect, I have a woman pastor in whom I think is the best pastor in the world, and I give all women that I know, especially those out there doing it on there own, a great amount of respect and reverence.  I'm just saying stop crying about how bad you got it and how horrible your life is, because nobody is going to do anything for you out there you have to make it on your own.  It is the product of the decision that your fore-mothers made a long time ago.


In the words of Tupac, "I ain't mad ya."

number 2

Alright, what's up everyone I hope you enjoyed last weeks introduction.  Today will be the first real story about me and I'm gonna start by telling you a little about my childhood.  This may help you to understand where some of my beliefs, behaviors and twisted ideas come from.  HAHA.  So my mom and dad married when they were young.  My father was 19 and my mom was 16 and I was born the next year.  I have a younger brother and sister I will discuss in future post.  My dad was a minister at that time and my mom went to church as well and played the piano and sang.  My dad's mom was also a minister and started her own church in Grover when I was five.  My mom's mom died when my mom was five and her dad was freaking awesome.  He and my mom and her family are from Arkansas.  We went to the church of God until my grandma opened her church and then we started there at Bible Holiness in Grover, NC.  I grew up kinda feeling like everything was a sin and God was always mad at you for messing up.  These ideas come from the old pentacostal church and are not things that we believe now at our church.  But I remember when I was young that some of the older church members would even say, "GO Ahead and keep it up God is gonna git ya."  Well when I grew older and read the bible for myself and really understood it I realized that God is not mad, he is not a hitman, and he is not out to "git ya".  If you didn't grow up in an old school pentacostal church then you probably won't understand what I mean by all that.  Anyway when I was young my dad started drinking and got out of church and progressively got worse.  My mom stayed in church and backed his mom in her ministry and when my grandma got sick, and eventually died, my mom took over as pastor.  The name of the church is now Proclaiming the Word Ministries.  My mom toughed it out and put up with his drinking, womanizing and committing adultry and stayed with my dad for a very long time and they eventually divorced when I was about 15.  The same time that I met my wife to be.  So from all that you can see why half of my blood is Cain's blood and half of my blood is Abel's.  However, I try to be good for the most part, haha.  As a side note I would like to mention that my dad has stopped drinking, smoking and other things and is now back in church and living for God.  I think that is awesome.  He has been an alcoholic for about 30 years now and I am soooooo proud of the change that he has recently made.  I didn't know if it would stick at first but he has done great.  I will tell you the rest of that story in a later post.  I hope this gives you a little insight and keeps you reading.  Better things to come!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Sorry I can't think of a good quote to go with this one.  LOL!!" 
                                                                    ~Daniel Hoyle~

WHATS UP

Hi everyone, I hope a lot of people made it to this page and I really hope you enjoy the things that you read here.  Here, at least once a week maybe more, you will be able to read stories about my life, my kids, educational junk, psychological junk, theological opinions and research, bible discussions, random stories about everyday crap, my likes, my dislikes, my hates, my opinions, my sex life, my favorite sexual positions, sexual positions that I made up, and just about anything about me that you do or don't want to know.  LOL.  I promise that it will always be interesting, humorous, serious, uplifting, depressing, corny, sexy, lovely, erotic, neuratic, exotic, exciting, appauling, and/or explosive.  It can also be any combination of the afore mentioned things at once but I promise you that it will always be something to talk about for the rest of the day.  Having said all that, let me introduce myself to those of you that do not know me.  My name is Daniel Hoyle, I am divorced and have been for about 3 or 4 years, not really keeping count, I have three children that stay with me ALL THE TIME, the oldest is Malachi, 13, the second is Joshua, 12, and the babygirl is Anna-Marie, 9.  I live with my brothers wife and her two girls while he is in prison, I know that sounds funny but get over it.  IT'S A LONG STORY!!!!!!!!!  So there are 7 people in a cramped up three bedroom singlewide, imagine that.  I have worked with adults with developmental disabilities since 2003 and for the last 6 years I worked with them in the vocational rehabilitation field.  I have a bachelors degree in psychology and am working on my Master's in education.  I am currently unemployed and looking for work due to me loosing my job back in June, 2011.  I quit coming to work and they fired me for it.  THE NERVE OF THOSE PEOPLE.  HAHA.  Any way I hope you will come back and read what I post next I promise you will love it.  Have a great day and thanks for checking me out.

In the words of Lil Wayne, "Life's a B**** and imma dance with her"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!