Here goes one for the books. Now some people that were there and were witnesses may disagree with my details but I am writing this according to how well my memory is serving me. LOL. And if they disagree then they can start a blog and say whatever they want but this is my blog so get the hell over it. I know this is going to be hard for you to believe but I can guarantee that everything in this story is completely true. My cousin's birthday was on March 10th, which was Saturday. She rented a Limo with 10 seats. Because she wanted to fill all of the seats and because some people backed out on her, she ended up inviting some people that were second choices or people that she really didn't want to go at all. One girl had already popped some pills, drank some liquor or whatever but she was already a little on the tipsy side. Everybody in the limo is from or lives right around Grover and are a little....how can I say this....redneck, ghetto, dramatic, or whatever you wanna call it. If you are from Grover or know people who are then you know exactly what I am talking about. There are a lot of sneaky, two-faced, lying, crazy, dramatic, psychotic people that live here around my area. Again, I refuse to use real names so I will try to give you a made up name for everyone that was there. My older cousin "Big Mama Ghetto," her husband "The Peace," my younger cousin the birthday girl and we will call her "Mizz open-hand," the tipsy girl "Yuck Mouth," another pair of girls that I would love to call "Chicken and Dumplinz," another girl that I will call "Loud As Hell," another lady "Mizz OMG," my other cousin "Smiley," and me "Mr. Wonderful." LOL!!! WOW!!!!!!!!!
Now that we got that out of the way I will begin this story. We all loaded into the Limo, and sorry I gotta use his real name because it's freaking great, Bernie started it up and headed toward Charlotte. Once we got into Charlotte girls were sticking their heads out the windows and acting a fool, of course there was some drinking on the way there and Yuck Mouth was already drunk, high, or whatever and a cop said over his loudspeaker, from his car, GET YOUR ASS INSIDE THE LIMO. WOW!!!!!! Swear to God that is what he said. So everybody jumped back in except for Yuck Mouth and she started hollering something back at the cop. So Little Mizz Open Hand grabbed her and pulled her back in and about the same time we pulled up in front of the Epic Center to go to Club Suite. Little Mizz Open Hand says alright everybody listen up. Now Loud As Hell never heard a word she said because...well because she is Loud As Hell. Little Mizz Open Hand continues to talk and says "everybody better act like they got some sense and don't be acting stupid, this is my birthday and I don't want it messed up" and she single out Yuck Mouth particularly and says, "especially you if you get in trouble or go to jail or mess up my birthday I will whoop your A**."
We all get out of the limo and everyone has to pee so we start looking for a bathroom. We find one everybody handles their business and we go get in line in front of Club Suite. This place was freaking crazy. It had a section that I am assuming was for VIP's and there was a group of people in there dancing and talking and acting a fool and in front of that was a bar where two ladies, one on either side, were dancing up a freaking storm. They were dressed in almost nothing and The Peace points them out to me immediately with a BBBBBBBIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGG smile on his face. hahahahahahaha. WOW!!!!!! They immediately get separated from me on the main dance floor and I couldn't find nobody. So I squeezed through a million sweaty dancing idiots and made it to the bar where there was room enough to stand against the wall. This was the bar where they were selling drinks not where the two girls were dancing. Apparently everybody made a different turn on the main dance floor and got away from me and Yuck Mouth headed to the bathroom. As I was standing against the wall trying to see somebody I knew, I noticed a door leading outside to a balcony/smoking area. I headed out there because it was less crowded and I felt like I was about to have a panic attack. LOL. It was awesome out there. It was about three stories up and you could see the whole city from there. It was like smack dab in the middle of Charlotte, a breeze was blowing, and I could feel my creative juices flowing up there. I wish I owned a huge apartment right in the middle of a big town. I wouldn't wanna stay there all the time but I would like to stay there sometimes.
So I finally spotted them at the bar inside and run in to ask them where they went. So Big Mama Ghetto starts telling me what has happened since I took my quite long break on the balcony. Apparently Yuck Mouth came out of the bathroom and fell into a few people. One of the staff members there saw her and told her that she had to leave. Because Big Mama Ghetto and The Peace had paid her way in they went to find out what happened and see if they could get her back in. They were talking to one of the staff members and tried to assure him that they would take care of her and make sure she didn't get into trouble if they would let her back in. At that same time Yuck Mouth said "F*** that black MotherF***er." WOW!!! So the guy said no she is done for tonight get on out of here and everybody came back in but her and continued to party. After I heard the story I bought Little Mizz Open Hand a drink and headed back for the balcony. Everyone come out to where I was and said, "hey, the birthday girl is not happy here, it is too crowded, too loud, the drinks are too expensive, and she is not having any fun." So they called the limo driver to come pick us up and take us to Coyote Joe's.
Now it starts to get good. We get downstairs and the Limo is parked where it let us out and Little Mizz Open Hand is a little agitated because her birthday is not going like she thought it would. She started going off about Yuck Mouth getting kicked out cause she was already high when we got there. So Yuck Mouth stood outside of the limo and said that she wasn't going to get in. So everybody starts telling her not to be crazy and just get in we gonna go to Coyote Joe's and everyone is gonna have a good time. So she gets into the limo and Little Mizz Open Hand is not finished so she continues to tell Yuck Mouth how much of a stupid B**** she is and how she has done nothing but ruin her birthday. Then right in the middle of her speech Little Mizz Open Hand reaches right over and open-hand slaps her right in the face. When Yuck Mouth raises her hand to hit her back Big Mama Ghetto Slides on her knees, on the wood-grain floor of the limo and begins to whoop the S*** out of Yuck Mouth. She had her by the hair with one hand and punching her in the face with the other hand. The Peace got down in the floor behind her and was trying to hold her hands down. Miss OMG was saying OMG haha. Myself, The Peace, and Loud as Hell started trying to pry her hands out of Yuck Mouth's hair. Now this is where I'm a little confused. I can't remember if yuck mouth got out first or if the other fight broke out first but I think it went like this....
Yuck Mouth said that she was getting out and they could just leave her A** there. So Little Mizz Open Hand and Big Mama Ghetto thought that was a good idea. When she was about to get out Big Mama Ghetto said those boots are mine and the jacket you are wearing is Little Mizz Open Hand's so take them off. So she got out of the limo bare-footed and no jacket. WOOOOOOW!!!!!! At this time Big Mama Ghetto said that Loud as Hell hit her when she was fighting Yuck Mouth and she went to punching her in the face. She and Little Mizz Open Hand said no she didn't hit you on purpose, she hit you trying to pry your hands out of Yuck Mouth's hair but Big Mama Ghetto didn't believe it for a second. Now Little Mizz Open Hand done started crying and saying she just wanted to go home and Loud as Hell was crying and apologizing. Everybody kinda made up and we were at Coyote Joe's.
When we get there everyone pulls out there ID's and Loud as Hell has lost hers. On top of that Smiley lost her debit card and it had a very large amount of money on it. The people that could get in went in. I went straight to where the bull was and there were two fat chicks trying to ride the bull at the same time. WOW!!!! Very funny. The fat chick in the back would start to fall off and grab the one in the front so they would both fall off. While I was watching some guy beside me asked if I would watch his stuff and I said sure. So finally the one on the front was going to ride by herself and just as she started someone grabbed me and said we have to go right now. I looked for the guy to tell him I couldn't watch his stuff anymore but I couldn't find him. When I got outside the cops were there to talk to Big Mama Ghetto. Yuck Mouth had taken out charges on her and then went to the Presbyterian Hospital. I don't think she was beaten that badly but whatever. So I went and got in the limo with Miss OMG, Chicken N' Dumplinz, and Little Mizz Open Hand, while Big Mama Ghetto, The Peace, and Smiley talked to the police. They came and got Little Mizz Open Hand and it was just the four of us in the limo. Everybody was like OMG what are they gonna do and I set and had a good conversation with Bernie. Loud as Hell left with one of her girlfriends.
When we all got back to Little Mizz Open Hand's house we went in and started discussing where we were going to go eat. During that time Smiley's bf (Loser) showed up to get her. He came in and they started telling him about the fight and what all had happened. During this conversation Smiley said, "oh yeah, I lost the debit card." Now she is a nurse and makes enough money to provide for herself and all the money on the card was money that she had made and Loser don't work at all and she supports him too. When he heard that he slammed his hand down on the bar that he was leaning on and said, "I knew some bulls*** like this was gonna happen, come on now, we are leaving." HAHAHA EXCUSE ME. WOW!!!!! Well Little Mizz Open Hand said you don't have no right to talk to her like that, you don't work and she keeps up your dead a** and you ain't gonna talk to her like that in my house. Smiley got up and was still half way smiling and said bye to everybody and walked out the door. I'm 35 and I know the dating game has changed a bit since I was a younger man but they didn't make women like that when I was looking for one. Back in the day that woman would have laughed at him and said well you better take your Loser A** out the door without me cause that's my money and you don't have to worry about it or me anymore. But anyway what can you do. But if he does happen to read this I would like to say, you sir, are an idiot. Smiley is a beautiful girl, got her s*** together, works as a nurse, and takes care of you so you need to get your head out of your a** and learn how to treat a woman instead of thinking it's always gonna be this easy. Because once your handsomeness decays and your youth disappears all you are going to be is a Pussy Loser and everybody will know. I KNOW YOUR SECRET LITTLE BOY!!!! HAHAHAHA!!
After that little show what was left of us, which was, Me, The Peace, Big Mama Ghetto, Little Mizz Open Hand, Miss OMG, and Duplinz, (Chicken had left to go home) climbed into The Peace's truck and I drove us all to Denny's. We sat down there and eat and laughed and had a good time with the waitress (Barbara) and then we all piled back into the truck to go get our cars and head home. On the way home we were headed down I-85 and I saw a car on its side in the median. To be honest I assumed it was from a wreck earlier that day and they couldn't get it moved for some reason. Everybody started saying hey we have to turn around and go back that car was up on its side and smoking and nobody was out there, somebody could be hurt. So I said OK, I told Little Miss Open Hand to call 911 and I turned off at the next exit to turn around. When we got back to where the car was Little Miss Open Hand, Duplinz and myself ran down to the car where another vehicle had already stopped and was talking to the girl that had been driving it. I started to check the girl out and asked her questions like, "Is anyone else in the car? Do you hurt anywhere? Where were you going? and What happened?" She stated that she was coming from GA and was headed to PA and that she needed to go back and get her cell phone out of the car to call her bf. I told her that wouldn't be a good idea since the car was smoking and fluids were leaking out of it. She had a scrape on her forehead and her neck, shoulder, and chest were bruised up from the seat belt other than that she seemed to be OK. She had told me that she stopped a while back and took a nap and her next stop was just a few miles away so she thought she could make it but she fell asleep and hit the guardrail on one side of the road veered off and started rolling until she hit the guardrail on the other side of the road. She was very lucky not to have been hurt more and that there was not a lot of traffic behind her. When the ambulance arrived I told them everything I knew and then we all got back in the truck and went to Little Mizz Open Hand's house.
When we got there everyone that didn't live there got into their vehicles and went home. We left at sometime after 5 am, remember this party started at about 10pm. WOOOOOOOOW!!!!!!!!!!!!
